OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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