Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
