I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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