Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
