If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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