im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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