hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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