Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
