why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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