i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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