There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
