Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
