Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
