Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
