He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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