I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
