I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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