I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
