Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
