I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
