Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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