I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
