youre lurking in front of me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
