i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
