pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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