oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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