There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
