Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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