the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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