Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
