What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
