I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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