If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
