No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
