I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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