I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
