I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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