if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
