i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize