fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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