Do you still have your period?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You ruined the universe
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
