She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
