He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize