Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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