alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
