so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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