obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
