Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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