Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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