i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
