if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
