Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
