Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
