i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
