i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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