I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
