Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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