Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
