If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
