do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
