Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
