Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
