why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
