How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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