I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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