i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
